My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Houston, we have a squirter
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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