Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
don't judge my taste in strippers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
