oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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