just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
