How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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