my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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