Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
