We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
