We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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