Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
