my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
