Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
