Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
