I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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