i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize