He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
