everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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