You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
