I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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