She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
