I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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