Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
