Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
