Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
