woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
