I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
