Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
