so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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