A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My vagina just recognized that song.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
