We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
