she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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