they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
