Got a toothbrush?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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