Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
