Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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