Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
40s are totally the cure
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
