dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
