Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
