Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
