why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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