You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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