I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
