You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
