Got a toothbrush?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
