finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pants are for mortals
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
