I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
