You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
