don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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