just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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