I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize