im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
