dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
