I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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