So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
