Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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