Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
