Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
