I heard we made out
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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