I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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