went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
