I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
