There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
