Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
