when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Someone came in the potted fern
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
