I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
