that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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