I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
