it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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