the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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