Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
