about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
