just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
