you're like a bully in the Christmas story
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
