i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
