You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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